today

my stomach looks good today.
i like this.
this ishow im going to stay.
just lose a few more kgkgkgkgkgkg + illa be happy.



today wil be good.

today.

well i just ran for 10 minutes flat out.
+ did 100 sit ups.
ill run more tonight+ do more situps.
+ when i go have a shower, ill throw up.
i hae showers, i have to see my body.
its discusting.


i totally binged today.
i had a packet of crisps+a sandwich.
ergh, i make myself sick.

ergh.

hmm.
i ate today(n)
i had a vegimite sandwich at lunch.
+ a piece of bread+banana when i got home.
im not going to have dinner.


i feel like shit..

ergh.

fuck i feel sick...


i know im posting alot of blogs.
but i wont remember this in the morning, i never do.
i go on wild turns, where i cant remember anything ive done.
its probably not normal, but i think its emotional-ness.
i was just doing my homework, its psychology and i couldnt understand a thing.
my writing was getting smaler + smaller, and i just couldnt stop thinking how fat my stomach was.
+ how it sticks out when i sit down.
this is fucking crazy, i need to lose it.

ergh.

well i just did 100 sit ups then.
yuk, my stomach.


i will beat this.
i will be thin.

tomorrow.

tomorrow-wake up.
go to school, throw lunch in bush on the way.
dont buy anything at lunch.
come home.
go on a run.
throw up in the woods.
come home 100 situps.
go to bed.
repeat.



soudns like a plan.

fucking fat fuck.

fuck, i dont know.
i just had to be able to write everything down.
d'you know how long it takes to find a blog site on google/

well, im emma.
i dont want any of my real life friends to read this, coz they'll jus get worried.
+ ive tried over + over to joina site to write everything, but its not working.
so yeah.
this is my diary thing...
im 16, and im on exchange in engladn for 4 and a half months, which is amazing.
but its making me feel completely weird.
+ i can feel myself slipping back into the days of not eating, and im starting to make myself throw up after meals. it really isn't hard .
but lately ive been binging. today, i woke up, had a bowl of cereal and half a bit of bread, i went to school + had some m&m's. at lunch i had a peanut butter snadwich, and a bit of bread+chips. (a bite:Z) after i got home i bought a bread stick thing and a pack of biscuits, i ate it all.
then had half my dinner.
i hate this.
last week i was being really good.
not having breakfast, drinking a bottle of water to start my matabalism, not eating lunch, coming home, having to have dinner.
but go on a run or something after throwning it all up, then doing sit ups when i got home.
but i fuck all that up.
i wore a dress today.
fuck there was fat everywhere.
it was discusting.
i really want to lose all this weight, but i keep binging.
i think im going to go on a fast, that makes sense.
fuck i dont know.
but yeah.
welcome to my life.
+ on top of all of that, i have anxiety disorder+ might have depression(y)
life is great..